seemingly innocuous behavior can become an addiction

Recently I read an article by Dr. David B. Hawkins regarding Chat room Addictions. He did an interview with a married man who became friends with his ex and some of his high school girfriends which he ended up chatting with and eventually meeting up for coffee which led to other things. Eventually his wife caught up to him but he justified by saying that everyone is on Facebook. His wife became critical and suspicious. 
He spent more and more time online.
“Cynthia started getting more critical about what I was doing,” Cal shared with me. “She saw the warning signs I couldn’t see. I rationalized them away, telling myself everyone was doing this. Everybody is on Facebook. I asked myself, ‘What harm could come of it?’”
“So,” I said, “you kept reaching further and further into this new world.”
“Yes,” he said. “And I liked it. There were so many women who found me handsome, exciting and interesting. I started keeping some of my activities a secret, which should have been my first warning. But, I thought she was overly jealous.”

“Sounds like this all developed over a long period of time, Cal,” I said. “A little deeper with every step.”

“Yup,” he said. “Before I knew it I was talking to more and more women and I was excluding Cynthia from this secret life. I became preoccupied with who I might meet and how they might find me attractive and interesting.”

Dr. David B. Hawkins concludes his interview with the following. 

Let’s explore how this seemingly innocuous behavior can become an addiction.

First, we deny our pain. Cal wasn’t aware of how vulnerable he was. He had no idea that he was craving attention and encouragement. This denial made him vulnerable to the many opportunities for excitement on the Internet.

Second, chatting makes us feel good. No harm so far, right? Wrong. Anything that alters our mood and behavior should be critically reviewed. Anything that alters our mood has the power and potential to become addicting. We want more of the "drug" to make us feel better.

Third, we deny the impact chatting has upon our lives. We tell ourselves that what we’re doing is innocuous. We tell ourselves we’re not harming anyone, all the while becoming more dangerous with our behavior. We take greater risks, telling ourselves we’re safe.

Fourth, we begin keeping secrets. Because it is dangerous, and we know it is wrong, we start hiding things from our mate. This is a sure sign that we’re on thin ice. Anything we have to hide should make us suspect. We must live lives of transparency and accountability.

Finally, we get legitimate needs met illegitimately. Our needs are not wrong — only the way we are going about getting them met. Cal needed to step back, take an inventory of his life and marriage, and consider how he might spruce up his life. Rather than getting titillation from others, he needed to create these feelings from within his marriage.

Scripture offers us guidance on the matter: “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18). We must seek pleasures from with the safety of our marriage.

While I’m certainly not bashing the Internet, I offer a strong word of caution after seeing countless marriages damaged from unfaithfulness rising largely from Internet opportunities. Be careful. Be open and transparent, and most important, share your needs with each other.

Cell phones Get in the Way

Much of my internet time is spent from work since I work in front of a computer 8 hours a day and massive amounts of gap time comes my way to browse and go on facebook  and whatever it is. I also keep my cell by me in case someone might try to communicate with me via text or very rare-a phone call.

I've been trying to turn my phone off when I leave work to stay away from all this technology but it's been tough. Since I went on my 40 day facebook fast for Easter, I haven't been able to not go on daily.

I was reading up on the nanny who called Ryan Seacrest yesterday and said something very true " Cell phones get in the way of quality time with parents and the kids" May I add it also does the same for couples with each other.

If you don't believe me, try to go on a date without taking your cell phone with you or even to work without it. How about when you're out with your friends leave your phone in your purse. It has almost become a vital necessity like really our lives depend on it.

Don't get me wrong. I love technology and the power it has given us to communicate with our friends and stay in touch with families that we don't see very often. However, I think it's become an addiction and it gets in the way of quality time and getting things done. .

 I'll be the first to admit it. I really hate it. Just the other day I was tempted to throw my blackberry in the blender.

It's not a problem to use it and have one it's just I feel like we've become so attached to it that it's not healthy. We even eat our meals and go to bathroom with it.


What do you think?

Eliza