seemingly innocuous behavior can become an addiction

Recently I read an article by Dr. David B. Hawkins regarding Chat room Addictions. He did an interview with a married man who became friends with his ex and some of his high school girfriends which he ended up chatting with and eventually meeting up for coffee which led to other things. Eventually his wife caught up to him but he justified by saying that everyone is on Facebook. His wife became critical and suspicious. 
He spent more and more time online.
“Cynthia started getting more critical about what I was doing,” Cal shared with me. “She saw the warning signs I couldn’t see. I rationalized them away, telling myself everyone was doing this. Everybody is on Facebook. I asked myself, ‘What harm could come of it?’”
“So,” I said, “you kept reaching further and further into this new world.”
“Yes,” he said. “And I liked it. There were so many women who found me handsome, exciting and interesting. I started keeping some of my activities a secret, which should have been my first warning. But, I thought she was overly jealous.”

“Sounds like this all developed over a long period of time, Cal,” I said. “A little deeper with every step.”

“Yup,” he said. “Before I knew it I was talking to more and more women and I was excluding Cynthia from this secret life. I became preoccupied with who I might meet and how they might find me attractive and interesting.”

Dr. David B. Hawkins concludes his interview with the following. 

Let’s explore how this seemingly innocuous behavior can become an addiction.

First, we deny our pain. Cal wasn’t aware of how vulnerable he was. He had no idea that he was craving attention and encouragement. This denial made him vulnerable to the many opportunities for excitement on the Internet.

Second, chatting makes us feel good. No harm so far, right? Wrong. Anything that alters our mood and behavior should be critically reviewed. Anything that alters our mood has the power and potential to become addicting. We want more of the "drug" to make us feel better.

Third, we deny the impact chatting has upon our lives. We tell ourselves that what we’re doing is innocuous. We tell ourselves we’re not harming anyone, all the while becoming more dangerous with our behavior. We take greater risks, telling ourselves we’re safe.

Fourth, we begin keeping secrets. Because it is dangerous, and we know it is wrong, we start hiding things from our mate. This is a sure sign that we’re on thin ice. Anything we have to hide should make us suspect. We must live lives of transparency and accountability.

Finally, we get legitimate needs met illegitimately. Our needs are not wrong — only the way we are going about getting them met. Cal needed to step back, take an inventory of his life and marriage, and consider how he might spruce up his life. Rather than getting titillation from others, he needed to create these feelings from within his marriage.

Scripture offers us guidance on the matter: “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18). We must seek pleasures from with the safety of our marriage.

While I’m certainly not bashing the Internet, I offer a strong word of caution after seeing countless marriages damaged from unfaithfulness rising largely from Internet opportunities. Be careful. Be open and transparent, and most important, share your needs with each other.

“Wow dad treats me with chivalry”

From boys will be boys by Osh.

Chapter 2 “Wow dad treats me with chivalry” Treat that as you want other men treating them

Now that we did some wife bashing, we can move on to the next step. Our own behavior around our daughter will matter a lot. Treat her like you want the guy to treat her. Be Gentleman. What’s this mean? Bring back chivalry. When she is old enough to understand what it means to open the door for her, do it. Give her the last piece or bite of the pie. Put aside some of your time to have one on one with her and listen to how her day was and what she feels. YES LISTEN WHAT SHE FEELS and has on her mind.

You need to do for your daughter. WHY? This is to show her that she needs to be treated this way, this is how a boy should show her his respect. This is how a man should treat her now and in the future. She starts putting this as things that she likes in a man, and looks for it. Let’s face it not many guys treat women that great these days. This is your way of showing her how it really should work. 

Things you can do: Open her door if it the car door or the house door. Listen to her and the things she has to say, give her one on one time. Tuck and kiss her in goodnight. Support the hobbies and interests she has. Change the channel for the show she likes to watch and watch it with her.

P.S. Treating your wife with chivalry will help this process and have a positive impact in the big picture, ie: open the doors, listen, and spend one on one time.

The best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother

 Boys will Be boys...by Osh.

Chapter 1 “He really shows my mom he loves her” and really sell this action

First step a father can take to secure/establish/ensure the foundation of a daughter that will follow in the right footsteps. This may be hard for some men, it also may come to some as a surprise, but to establish solid foundation of a safe upbringing of your daughter is to love her mother and show it(if you don’t love her, at least pretend to love her). Seriously though this doesn’t only apply to girls but boys to. The best thing you can do for your children is to love and show your love to their mother. Sometimes we can get frustrated with our spouse/wife/girlfriend, you just want to punch them in the face and tell them to shut the F up, but ultimately we have to put that aside, dig deep and really show the kids the true reason why we still stand with our wives or significant others in front of them.

Our spouses will be there after the kids grow up and move out, this is the one person who understands you, loves, and cares about you. MORE IMPORTANTLY they are the ones who have tolerated our SHIT, the ridiculous behavior throughout the years, the sports watching, drinking, looking at other chicks, the list goes on. We have to be honest with ourselves, without our significant other we wouldn’t take showers, or go to the doctor for check-ups. We really have a lot to thank and love her for, SO SHOW IT FRONT OF THE KIDS. You’ll thank me later.

Boys Will Be Boys..but they can do better.

Over the last two years, Hubby has been writing some good material on boys, how they are and how they outta treat their girls. Now that he is a father, his prespecitve has changed a bit and I think he has become a better writer on giving tips to guys and to our duaghter in the future who will be dating them.

I am going to be sharing some excerpts from his writings. I love reading his stuff.
Sometimes, I get a kick out of the fact that I'm married to this brilliant, smart, funny, sexy man.

Giving up the Myths about Protein- Like changing your Religion.

I can’t begin to tell you how often I get asked the question “how do you get your protein?” or “what about protein?” when people find out I don’t really eat meat. 

“Remember those four basic food group charts that we all saw in every classroom in elementary school? Protein had its own box, designed by a thick steak, a whole fish, and an entire chicken. Dairy foods had their own special box as well. A healthy diet we were taught, supposedly centered on meat and milk. Protein was taught to be the most favorable of all nutrients and lots of protein was taught to be the key to strength, health, and vigor. Unfortunately, cancer rates soared. According to research, we had to rethink what we had taught. Americans still cling to what they were taught. “

Any combination with natural foods will supply you with the protein you need. 

Which has more protein? 

Oatmeal, ham or tomato? They all have the same amount of protein per calorie. The difference is, tomato and the oatmeal are packaged with fiber and other disease fighting nutrients and ham is packaged with cholesterol and saturated fat.

Baked Strawberries

Here is a healthy sweet snack idea!

Yesterday, I tried baking strawberries in the oven for about 20 mintues without adding anything else to it.
I just cut the ends and sliced in from the middle, put it in a tray, turned the oven on 250 degrees and let it bake for 20 mintutes.

All the natural sugars of the strawberry came out and made it even sweet like jam, juicy and melts in your mouth.
It was also easier for Emma to eat it like that and she loved it!

Queen of Marketing

This is the family we all love to hate because they seem to have it all minus brains. But really, if they weren't smart, how could they come so far and last this long?

I think Kim Kardashian is the Queen of Marketing. How else would she be making so much money if she doesn't have any physical talent other than her good looks!

What do you think?

I just read that the family signed on a 40 Million Dollar Deal With E

 

Foods That Make You Thin

Foods that make you Thin: Notes from Dr Fuhrman’s Eat to Live book, ch 5 continued…

Appetite is not controlled by the weight of the food but by fiber, nutrient density, and calorie density. 

The foods that will make you feel full with the less amount of calories are: fruits and green veggies. 

Green vegetables, fresh fruits and legumes.

Green veggies are so low in calorie and high in fiber that the more you eat of them, the more weight you will lose. Not only will it be it make your waistline smaller but it will protest you against threatening diseases. 

Vegetables have powerful levels of carotenoids and other nutrients that prevent age-related diseases. 

Don't Fear Carbs

My notes from Eat to Live by Dr. Fuhrman, chapter 5.

I have some earlier blog posts about his book. Three years ago when we came back from our honeymoon, we read this book that changed our lives which transformed our bodies!

Chapter 5 is one of my favorite chapters from the book but it’s also one of the longest chapters in the book so I’m going to break it down into sections. This way, you'll digest it better, little by little.

Carbs: Not all carbs are bad!

Our bodies need carbs more than any other substance. 

Our muscle cells are designed to run on carbs. 

Foods that are high in carbs, when consumed in their natural state (raw) are low in calories and high in fiber, you will feel satisfied and not crave more food.

It is usually the small amount of added refined fat or oils that makes natural carbs so fattening.

Don’t fear eating foods rich in carbs and don’t be afraid of eating fruit because it contains sugar. 

Fresh fruits, beans, legumes, whole grains and root vegetables are all examples of foods show calories come from carbs. It is the nutrient-per calorie ratio of all these foods that determines their food value. There is nothing wrong with carbs; it is the empty calorie or refined carbs that are responsible for the bad rep of carbs.

Baby for Giuliana & Bill

During my maternity leave I got to watch Giuliana and Bill's reality show and immediately I liked them. Their relationship reminded me of ours and it was so much fun seeing a couple in love, going through struggles together and coming out even stronger.

 I haven't been following up on their show but yesterday they announced that they're expecting a baby with a help of a gestational carrier. That's so cool and crazy for me at the same time! Knowing how much she went through with their baby struggle and also breast cancer, they deserve this beautiful gift of life. For more on the story here visit the People magazine http://www.usmagazine.com/uploads/assets/articles/51698-giuliana-and-bill-rancic-having-a-baby/1334949413_bill-giuliana-rancic-467.jpg

I know many people don't like talking about celebrities but they are just people like us and I admire them for sticking through no matter what may come!

It saddens me that couples like them have trouble having a baby and then we have teenagers, or other women who get pregnant and have abortions.

How do you feel about this as a woman?
If you weren't able to have a baby, what would you consider and do?

The Armenian Genocide

I love my race, my culture and my people and I remember and recognice the Armenian Genocide.

 Click this link Frequently asked questions and answers about the Genocide

Mommy, Daddy & Baby Gym

We did it! Hubby and I signed up at the Gym and took Emma with us for the first time yesterday. I was a bit nervous having to drop her off at the Day care but she loved it so much that when we went to get her after,  she cried and wanted to play stay longer! What a relief. 

It was a bit of a challenge to start working out. It took me about a year to have things quite down and settle a bit before I could get myself to commit to the gym. 

It's been a struggle losing all the weight I gained during pregnancy. I have lost a lot of it but the last few pounds I know will have to drop only by exercising. Hope you enjoy the journey to slimming down and getting fit once again. Maybe I might just motivate you to join in with our healthy living habits!

For This Moment

I simply want to be live long enough for this moment....

Becoming a mom

When Emma was born, I was so overwhelmed that all I wanted to do was go to work and be with her only for a few hours. I was just too tired and I wanted to sleep. Now that she is almost one, all I wanna do is stay home and play with her. She has become so much fun and I just don't wanna miss a thing. Unfortunately, now I have to work! Life can be so ironic sometimes.

For me, It wasn't the most natural thing to be a mom. It took me awhile to become a mom. Now that I am, I'm loving every minute of it.

How God Turns Your Worst Day Into a Miracle Moment

My notes from Media City Church on Sunday, April 22, 2012.
by Pastor Billy

 Acts 15:16-40

1. The barrier between your worst day and the greatest God moment you will ever experience is often paper thin.
2. In your weakest and most difficult moment turn to God in prayer and praise.
3. God wants to bring miracles into your life that leads others knowing Him. 

No one looks back on their Life and Remembers the Nights They Had Plenty of Sleep

Being a parent is tough. I realize I might not be able to sleep in until Emma is probably all married and moved out.I am very tired most days and when I look back at my day, I realize it is only by the grace of God that I am able to do everything that I need to do. I go to bed, with almost no ounce of energy left in me but I feel so good knowing that I did all that I needed to do. Fulfilled. I am dedicated to my family. I will do my best to be there for them, spend time with them, be the best wife and mommy I can be.


"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." Annie Dillard.


How are your days?
How do you spend your days?
Who and what do you says yes to?

What are you dedicated to?
Do your hours match your dedication?

"The dedicated life is the life worth living. You must give with your whole heart." Annie Dillard 

 El

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real

Just like any other person, I have a lot going on in life and things that come up that may cause me to worry and fear. I hate those two feelings like I hate not being able to fit into my skinny jeans yet. One of the first things I have learned to do when I start worrying or fearing is I consider them as  a signal to pray. I run to God. I stay there, until he shows me otherwise. If I don't, I end up running in place, huffing and puffing, until I'm all out of breathe and strength, then I have no choice but collapse before God. I know the end so I just go to God from the beginning and save me the trouble.

You know I have come to realize that FEAR just stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Most of the stuff is in our heads and we anticipate and expect the worse and start acting like it's already happened. However,  God's way is different.  He wants us to trust Him even when we don't have all the answers. 

"Whenever I feel fear or worry, I thank the Lord for the feeling, then test the following six reasons until I understand the source: the future, my reputation, money, possessions, time, or health. After that, I submit the concern to Him."

---

- From "It Takes Two to Tango" by Gary and Norma Smalley




Xoxo


El

Keep Calm and Blame it on PMS

Disclaimer: if you're not a girl, please stop reading this. 

Even with the period planner app, I still don't have previous symptoms and it's never consistenant. I was 2 days early. I've never been on the pill, and I don't intend to. Of course, when I have a cute, short summer dress out ready to enjoy my beautiful sunny day is when it rains in my parade and to make matters worse, I am at work.

I didn't want to drive all the way home and come back because I knew if I drove home, I wouldn't come back. Instead, I went to Ross and got me a cute new outfit, then drove to Vons and got my other essentials, and after that stopped at Starbucks for my freshly brewed coffee and voila back to work in less than an hour.

 As I was leaving the parking lot, I prayed that when I get back, there will be a spot open for me because usually our faculty parking lot gets packed between 10am and 12 noon and whoever comes in between those hours, ends up parking at the structure next to the lot. No body wants to do that because it's such a walk to the office. I didn't want to do that and I just felt like believing for God's favor.

Upon my return, the lot was packed and for a moment I questioned God "But God, I asked for a spot.." Before I could further reason with God,  I noticed an open spot to my left and my next thought was "Why, yes you did! Thank you Lord!"

Happy Tuesday,

xoxox
El

There is something in your teeth

If someone has spinach in her teeth, or lipstick, a piece of lint on her skirt or toilet paper on her shoe, do you say something?

Sometimes people let it go because they don't want to make the person self conscious and others just say out loud in front of everyone embarrassing the person even more!

If I were the person with the spinach in my teeth, I'd want someone to tell me asap but only to me privately! There has been times where I've had to go to a meeting after lunch and I was in a hurry and I didn't see the eyeliner smeared across my face until after the meeting. So embarrassing!  I touch my face a lot so sometimes I smear my eye makeup.

Always always say something but my say I mean whisper it. You don't want to emabarras the person in public.

 

xx

El

Blush

I used to think that the right way to apply blush is by making a fish face but turns out that's so 80's. The correct way is to smile and apply the blush on the fattest part of the cheek.

xoxo

El

Expect the Unexpected- God will use others to give to you through them.

Basic rule denied by most especially me, from what I thought was a humble up bringing, and one that doesn't like to put others in a bind or an uncomfortable position, I've learned these lessons from Eliza Cholakian:
When given a gift accept it, when offered assistance accept it, and EXPECT IT and most of all always be thankful for them.
People will go out their way to find, plan, and give you a gift. They will pour their heart into it. They may think you deserve, they may want to thank you for something you have done, or they just feel like getting and giving you gift.Don't rob their of their own blessing by rejecting their gift.
I was raised to feel like I owe something back to that person, but this is not necessarily true.
Accept the gift, and expect to receive the gift. Always consider the fact that God rewards those who obey His word. You reap what yous sow. When you do something for someone don't expect it back from them; do it knowing that first and formeost you're doing it unto the Lord and do it with love and joy.

As I progress in life it's hard for me turn from my past and go by what the bible says You do not have because you have not asked ". When you pray, you are not praying and believing according to how good you are but how good God is and that's been Eliza's thing. We seldom ask God for anything or feel like we deserve something because we don't think we deserve or are good enough but it's never about our goodness but His mercy and grace.


Eliza walks around the house knowing and praying that she expects something good to happen. Her mentality is "if there is anything good that's gonna happen, it'll happen to me." "For I know the thoughts and plans for you..to prosper you and to bless you to give you hope for the future.."

TAKE AWAYS:
PRAY and expect and live in a manner that shows you know God heard your prayers and are expecting answers. EXPECT TO RECEIVE, and DON'T expect and feel that you need to give back to the person who has given. You may have blessed them in ways you couldn't imagine.

God blesses us so that we can be a blessing to others.

-Osh

It is not by Will Power, but Thought Power

Not many people have seen me lose my cool, but I've have been guilty and embarrassed a few times when I have.

It is during those times that  I've seen my own true colors as well as of those of others.

Proverbs 23:7 ⁷For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:
Thinketh - The Hebrew verb is found here only, and probably means, "as he is all along in his heart, so is he (at last) in act."


Our reactions define who we really are inside. Reactions are not premediated actings springing from our best motive, carefully thought out, planned and weighed. They are emotional responses, breaking looses when we feel hurt, cheated, used, or misunderstand.

I almost never go a day without wanting to rip someone's head off. Fortunately, I have controlled myself and have not done that but I have had a few emotional outburts which I'm not very proud of.

For the most part, we lose our preserved "front" when we are pressured beyond calculated thinking. then, who we really are is made manifest.

The good news is when we stop and take an inventory of our thought life, we can choose to change our thoughts that will change the way we feel and the way we react. Our reactions are our thought life inside out.

The way we think every day determines the way we feel, which will evidently determine how we react.

Our heart is filled with thoughts and it is out our hearts, the mouth speaks either words of praise or bitterness. I've never heard a negative person speak postiviely and vis versa.

I have tried many times to control myself and give myself a prep talk to maintain my cool around irritating people and situations but it is not by will power. I need to continually check to see my thoughts toward this person. Haven't you noticed when you don't like someone and you h ave made up your mind that you don't like that , no matter what they say or do is annoying and offensive? But I challenge you to think otherwise and see how things will start to shift.


 Solution:

Romans 12:2

New International Version (NIV)

² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.