Babe Tip #64

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances - Philippians 4:11

When I was single all I wanted to do was to have a boyfriend and then I thought I'd be happy. Then I got a boyfriend and I was happy for a few months and then I thought, I'd be happy once we're engaged. We got engaged and I was happy for awhile until I thought, I'd be happy once we're married. We got married and then the pursuit of happiness never ends. When I was working and pregnant, all I wanted to do was go on maternity leave so I could be happy not working. Then I had Emma and I was home for a couple of months and I missed work and I thought I'd be happy if I go back to work. I came back a month before my planned return and I was happy for a few months until I started missing Emma and now I'm thinking I'd be happy if I could be a stay at home mom. You get the picture? It's like a vicious circle if we don't CHOOSE to be happy and content we will never be once we're there. It will be a temporary high. I have come to the conclusion of such is life and only true happiness comes living a fulfilling life and being content through all circumstances and seasons of life.  This is why I LOVE MY LIFE. It's not perfect and I don't have EVERYTHING but I love everything about it!



As a married woman, I'd tell the singles if you're not happy right now, and with the entire journey, you will never be happy when you get to your destination.

A happy marriage is made up of two happy and whole individuals. One can only add to their spouse's happiness but they can't be responsible for all of it. Does that make sense?


This is also true when it comes to work and everything  else. People dread Mondays and the entire week looking forward to the weekend and then their unhappy and dreading it again on Monday. I hate living life like that. I like to enjoy it every day or else it's such a waste. This doesn't mean that things don't come up or things "happen" in my favor all the time to keep my "happy". You know that's what happiness is. As long as things are "happening" the way we like them to then we are "happy." and that's why it's short lived. But Joy is regardless of what's "happening" we are happy on the inside.

I've never met a miserable, negative person who is happily married. Happiness is a choice and it's your own responsibility. Don't blame anyone else for it , or hold anyone accountable for your happiness, and don't go pulling the record from the past listing reasons why you're not. We don't live in the past anymore. Things might have happened that weren't right but that doesn't give us the insurance to act and behave wrong for the rest of our lives and holding someone else responsible for it, and asking them to pay for someone's consequences.

 EC

5 Things Parents Shouldn't Say To Their Kids

It hurts me when I hear parents speaking to their kids so harshly and without thought of what those words could do to them. Words are actually much much more powerful than actions in some cases. Words can get embedded in our thoughts and hearts and play over and over in our minds. I've been thinking about bullying in school a lot lately and wonder if the bullies come from families who bully their own kids. Parents should set the bar. Parents should set the right example and discipline their children in the way they should go. The Word discipline comes from the word Disciple and it literally means to teach. Often instead of teaching, we punish. Know the difference.  The one I absolutely cannot stand is the last one and it's because I've witnessed it. A few years ago, when I went to pick up my brother from preschool, a mom was driving out of the parking lot with her 3 year old boy running behind the car screaming for her. He probably didn't want to go home and most likely she drove off after telling him "ok, then I'm going to leave without you!"

This morning, I came across this article that hit home for me. I wanted to share parts that stood out for me. For the full article, here is the link. http://shine.yahoo.com/team-mom/5-things-parents-shouldnt-kids-171300904.html

5 Things Parents Shouldn't Say To Their Kids.

1. "I Don't Care." 
Little kids love to share details...of their playground conversations with friends, of the cloud formation they think looks like a sea serpent, of why they squeezed an entire tube of toothpaste into the bathtub. And sometimes? Parents just don't want to hear the specifics. But beware of saying "I don't care!" because you're cutting off communication with your child and saying that something important to him or her isn't so important to you.

2. Act Your Age! 
Pincus says this common reaction is less about the child's behavior and all about the parent trying to manage his or her own frustration. 


3. Say You're Sorry!
You're trying to teach your child to be compassionate, which is a laudable goal. But "forcing a child to apologize does not teach a child social skills," says Bill Corbett, a parent educator, author, and producer/host of the parenting TV show "Creating Cooperative Kids."


4. Don't You Get It?
Implicit in a 'don't you get it' comment are the judgments of 'Why don't you get it?' followed by 'What's wrong with you for not getting it?' While a parent may not mean to send those messages, that is the message the child receives.

5. I'm Going to Leave Without You
"I'm going to leave without you!" For young kids, fear of parental abandonment is very real.

Please be careful with your words. They hurt just as bad if not more than physical pain!

  

Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose. (Proverbs 18:21 MSG)

El

But what if I don't Feel Like It

Forgiveness is a wonderful idea, until you have to forgive someone.


I read Joyce's devotional today and I was compelled to share the main points.

It made me realize I tend to isolate myself  from the person who I think has hurt me and I try to avoid them.

Here are my take aways from the article. 

If someone has hurt you, don't spend the next 10 years of your life hurting yourself by hanging on to that offense. Most likely, that other person isn't even thinking about you, while you dwell on the incident for years. That only hurts one person—you.


When you forgive someone, you're really helping yourself. 






1) Unforgiveness always keeps score.

In Luke 15:29, the elder brother of the prodigal son said, "Look! These many years I have served you." Peter wanted to know how many times he had to forgive someone. Unforgiveness is always looking at the score. But 1 Corinthians 13:5 says, Love takes no account…. It doesn't count up the evil done to it.




2) Unforgiveness always boasts of its own record.
In Luke 15:29, the older brother of the prodigal son says "These many years I have never done wrong." Judgment always says that I always do good and others do bad.


  3) Unforgiveness always complains.
"You never do anything for me." Ever catch yourself thinking that about someone? This attitude only sees what others aren't doing and doesn't see what they are doing. God's Word clearly shows that we're not supposed to complain. And if you're continuously using your mouth to complain about some incident of offense, you won't get past it. Don't waste time by complaining.

4) Unforgiveness has a martyr syndrome.
"I do all the work." Workaholics are particularly susceptible to this one. Sometimes people who work all the time and don't know how to enjoy their life get jealous when other people are enjoying life. Is there someone who aggravates you when you see them having a good time? If yes, you could have unforgiveness toward them.

5) Unforgiveness always alienates, divides and separates.
When the kids are acting up, we say "my husband's kids" or maybe something like, "What are you going to do about your son?" Those are divisive statements. Maybe you have a coworker who you stay away from as much as possible or a sibling you don't talk to much…why do you separate yourself from them? Maybe you need to forgive that person.

6) Unforgiveness is always envious and jealous when angry at someone who gets blessed.
If someone who has hurt you gets a blessing, it grates on you…at least it did for me until I learned how to forgive.
Forgiveness is a decision—not a feeling. When you pray for people who have hurt you, it's a choice. But there's healing in that for you. Bless and do not curse them means to speak well and not evil of them when that person is not around. And be good to them in various ways as wisdom allows

The Five Year Engagement

We saw The Five Year Engagement with our friends over the weekend and to our surprise it was really good. The reviews we had read prior to the movies we're pretty bad but I thought Jason Segal did a great job with the movie. It was real funny and he got the main point across which is life is about relationships not career and not anything else.

My favorite part in the movie is when the girl (Actress Emily) is having a conversation with her sister in front of her kids and they are talking to each other as Elmo and the Cookie Monster and the whole theme of the movie is what the younger sister says about the cookie!

Go see it!

seemingly innocuous behavior can become an addiction

Recently I read an article by Dr. David B. Hawkins regarding Chat room Addictions. He did an interview with a married man who became friends with his ex and some of his high school girfriends which he ended up chatting with and eventually meeting up for coffee which led to other things. Eventually his wife caught up to him but he justified by saying that everyone is on Facebook. His wife became critical and suspicious. 
He spent more and more time online.
“Cynthia started getting more critical about what I was doing,” Cal shared with me. “She saw the warning signs I couldn’t see. I rationalized them away, telling myself everyone was doing this. Everybody is on Facebook. I asked myself, ‘What harm could come of it?’”
“So,” I said, “you kept reaching further and further into this new world.”
“Yes,” he said. “And I liked it. There were so many women who found me handsome, exciting and interesting. I started keeping some of my activities a secret, which should have been my first warning. But, I thought she was overly jealous.”

“Sounds like this all developed over a long period of time, Cal,” I said. “A little deeper with every step.”

“Yup,” he said. “Before I knew it I was talking to more and more women and I was excluding Cynthia from this secret life. I became preoccupied with who I might meet and how they might find me attractive and interesting.”

Dr. David B. Hawkins concludes his interview with the following. 

Let’s explore how this seemingly innocuous behavior can become an addiction.

First, we deny our pain. Cal wasn’t aware of how vulnerable he was. He had no idea that he was craving attention and encouragement. This denial made him vulnerable to the many opportunities for excitement on the Internet.

Second, chatting makes us feel good. No harm so far, right? Wrong. Anything that alters our mood and behavior should be critically reviewed. Anything that alters our mood has the power and potential to become addicting. We want more of the "drug" to make us feel better.

Third, we deny the impact chatting has upon our lives. We tell ourselves that what we’re doing is innocuous. We tell ourselves we’re not harming anyone, all the while becoming more dangerous with our behavior. We take greater risks, telling ourselves we’re safe.

Fourth, we begin keeping secrets. Because it is dangerous, and we know it is wrong, we start hiding things from our mate. This is a sure sign that we’re on thin ice. Anything we have to hide should make us suspect. We must live lives of transparency and accountability.

Finally, we get legitimate needs met illegitimately. Our needs are not wrong — only the way we are going about getting them met. Cal needed to step back, take an inventory of his life and marriage, and consider how he might spruce up his life. Rather than getting titillation from others, he needed to create these feelings from within his marriage.

Scripture offers us guidance on the matter: “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18). We must seek pleasures from with the safety of our marriage.

While I’m certainly not bashing the Internet, I offer a strong word of caution after seeing countless marriages damaged from unfaithfulness rising largely from Internet opportunities. Be careful. Be open and transparent, and most important, share your needs with each other.

“Wow dad treats me with chivalry”

From boys will be boys by Osh.

Chapter 2 “Wow dad treats me with chivalry” Treat that as you want other men treating them

Now that we did some wife bashing, we can move on to the next step. Our own behavior around our daughter will matter a lot. Treat her like you want the guy to treat her. Be Gentleman. What’s this mean? Bring back chivalry. When she is old enough to understand what it means to open the door for her, do it. Give her the last piece or bite of the pie. Put aside some of your time to have one on one with her and listen to how her day was and what she feels. YES LISTEN WHAT SHE FEELS and has on her mind.

You need to do for your daughter. WHY? This is to show her that she needs to be treated this way, this is how a boy should show her his respect. This is how a man should treat her now and in the future. She starts putting this as things that she likes in a man, and looks for it. Let’s face it not many guys treat women that great these days. This is your way of showing her how it really should work. 

Things you can do: Open her door if it the car door or the house door. Listen to her and the things she has to say, give her one on one time. Tuck and kiss her in goodnight. Support the hobbies and interests she has. Change the channel for the show she likes to watch and watch it with her.

P.S. Treating your wife with chivalry will help this process and have a positive impact in the big picture, ie: open the doors, listen, and spend one on one time.

The best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother

 Boys will Be boys...by Osh.

Chapter 1 “He really shows my mom he loves her” and really sell this action

First step a father can take to secure/establish/ensure the foundation of a daughter that will follow in the right footsteps. This may be hard for some men, it also may come to some as a surprise, but to establish solid foundation of a safe upbringing of your daughter is to love her mother and show it(if you don’t love her, at least pretend to love her). Seriously though this doesn’t only apply to girls but boys to. The best thing you can do for your children is to love and show your love to their mother. Sometimes we can get frustrated with our spouse/wife/girlfriend, you just want to punch them in the face and tell them to shut the F up, but ultimately we have to put that aside, dig deep and really show the kids the true reason why we still stand with our wives or significant others in front of them.

Our spouses will be there after the kids grow up and move out, this is the one person who understands you, loves, and cares about you. MORE IMPORTANTLY they are the ones who have tolerated our SHIT, the ridiculous behavior throughout the years, the sports watching, drinking, looking at other chicks, the list goes on. We have to be honest with ourselves, without our significant other we wouldn’t take showers, or go to the doctor for check-ups. We really have a lot to thank and love her for, SO SHOW IT FRONT OF THE KIDS. You’ll thank me later.